UFO Pilots Speak Out!

Recently, the Planet Magazine offices received the following message from “The UFO Pilots Ass’n of Testbed Earth”. Interestingly, it came in via traditional fax. We were able to verify the information as correct, however, via the 1-866 contact number on the press release. When we called to ask, “A fax, WTF?! LOL!!”, the alien representative we spoke with told us that fax technology is a pure form of Lo-Tek and therefore fashionable among many in the Galactic Hierarchy.

Anyway, here is the communication in full, given the importance of the subject:

UFOPAoTE On Strike!

March 9, 2007 – Dayton, OH – As of 12:344:56 XUST, we, the members of The UFOPAoTE, are on strike! We are sick and tired of patrolling this planet, sitting idly by during tediously long abductions (all that “observing” and “hovering” and “beaming” gets very old, and the body probing is no longer even worth a quip or two), and then being forced to perform dangerous hi-G maneuvers and gamma-ray-intensive invsibility cloakings in response to pursuing military jets, which, admittedly, are not dangerous at all to us given our transcendilicious technology and hydroponically grown, expendable bodies.

To bottom-line it, we’re stone-cold bored and disgusted and want to see some love from management, if they expect us to stay on the job. Furthermore, from a macro perspective, we feel the Hidden Alien Agenda story has simply gone nowhere. One side of Humanity says, “Yes there are UFOs, but Humanity could not withstand direct knowledge or contact,” etc.; the other side says, “No there are not any UFOs, it’s just subconscious projection by zany people or a secret military experimental aircraft”, blah-blah-blah. Well, if management likes this sort of reality brinkmanship, then fine. But they can bloody well count us out. Heck, even WE don’t know if we’re real anymore!

Sincerely,
Your Local UFO Pilots

And that’s where it stands, folks. As with all things Alien, one can never be sure about What Is Really True or Truely Real — but apparently that’s the very reason that even the UFO pilots themselves are losing interest and want to return to their almond-eyed, big-headed families on Grayworld or in another dimension, or timeline, or whatnot.

So how will this mess finally be resolved? Will we see alien craft get it over with and land on the White House lawn? Or has “Missing Time” simply become “Wasted Time”? Stay tuned, dear readers, and we will let you know what we find out. In the meantime, at least one thing is certain… and we only wish we knew what that was.

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