Archive for the ‘Editorials’ category

How We Won The Clone War

July 31, 2005

When The Clone War started up, my comrades and I in The Rebel Federation quickly determined that it was an exact duplicate of an earlier war, known simply as The War. A war that we had won. So we carefully did everything exactly the same again, using, ironically, clones of soldiers who had fallen in The War.

The choreography and continuity, that is to say, the tactical planning, was a little tricky since not everything in the first war had been quark-recorded and survivors’ memories were a bit faulty. For example, the attack ships that spent the war beautifully but pointlessly glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate would have been much more useful if they’d been positioned against the enemy bases near the shoulders of Orion. Should’ve realized that the second time around, of course, but at least we saved a few attack ships that way.

Anyway, as expected, we won — again.

The Awards Ceremony at the end of the movie, I mean at the end of The Clone War, was a little more yawn-inducing this time around (although Princess Luka’s crossed hair buns were as hot as ever).

I don’t suppose the other side, The Federation Rebels, will be trying a clone war again anytime soon. But just in case, the face-and-body dancers are keeping the clone vats warm for us.

One thing still puzzles me, though. Why didn’t the enemy also realize that it was a clone war and thus do something different this time? Could they really be that stupid? Or are they more clever than we realized, and some unseen hammer blow has yet to fall? Or, worst of all, could it be that the underlying logic of this blog entry was never fully worked out by the editor before being posted? We may never know, but we can guess. Oh yes… we can guess very well.


Richard Nixon Was Right

June 2, 2005

They called President Nixon “paranoid” when he said there were people in the FBI who were out to get him. But with the recent uncorking of No. 2 FBI honcho Mark Felt as “Deep Throat”, we can once again confidentally assert the following maxim:

Just because you fear people are coming to get you, doesn’t mean they aren’t!

Words to live by, indeed.

Of course, when we say “people”, we really mean “aliens”. And when we say “fear”, I suppose we mean “hope”. Maybe Nixon will be right about that too!

Old Sayings #1

February 10, 2005

Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.

Red sky at night, sailors take fright.

Red sky at midday, sailors completely freak out and look for a new line of work.

10 Years Ago in Planet… “The Meaning of Lost Socks” by Biedermeier X. Leeuwenhoek

October 2, 2004


From the Proceedings of the 49th Convention of the American Datatician Society Meeting, Akron Hilton, Akron, Ohio. November 1994.